Overcoming a painful breakup

A friend of mine was in a long term relationship with someone for many years. They were even engaged with plans to get married. And then suddenly things changed. My friend’s girlfriend broke up with him and in sometime went on to marry another person.

At times the path can be rugged, steep and slippery

My friend was pretty shattered by the whole experience. It was so intense that he used to feel her memory and her touch all the time. Even in his sleep and dreams. This can be very overwhelming for a person who is going through it and it blocks them from living their day to day life effectively because an ENORMOUS amount of energy which can be used to contribute to life and make a difference in the world is just frozen, inaccessible and locked up. This is not a small loss to either yourself or the world in general.

The first thing you need to realize is that it is POSSIBLE to come out of your despair no matter how hard the experience of breaking up has been for you. You must not lose heart and give up. This is CRUCIAL.

Another idea to consider is that life is a journey of ups and downs. For most people that is. Almost everyone I know has experienced the joys as well as the heartbreaks of life in some area or the other. For some it’s a relationship whose end has caused this pain, for others it might be a career that’s not working out leaving them confused about what to pursue, while for some people might be going through a personal bereavement of a close family member, a cherished pet or a friend.

Life has some tough experiences built into it as it’s very fabric and the sooner we accommodate this fact into our map, the more wiser we will be in our conduct of life and the more peace of mind we can have.

Deepawali marks the transition from darkness to light

Apart from these cognitive understandings we need some real world skills in processing our emotions that we can actually APPLY to difficult circumstances and to come out of the situation more stronger, more resilient, with a quiet, subtle power that’s charismatic in a stealthy way😉

These skills when applied, literally feel like a huge burden has been lifted of your chest and shoulders. They bring us to a place of a quiet and powerful neutrality.

From here you can start re building your life. Brick by brick. Drop by drop. One step at a time. Think of it as the foundation on which your other external actions that you take toward your recovery will be based upon. These external actions could be regular exercise, Yoga, spending time with your loved ones and close friends, focusing on your work and career, professional development, making a difference in whatever way you can to make the world a little better, your personal hobbies and of course engaging with attractive women in the world.

And yes, this foundation in skill with emotion is also one of the really subtle attraction skills. It’s not loud like six pack abs or enormous money. But because it is subtle and quiet it is enormously POWERFUL and it’s not even dependepent on external conditions and available to you anytime, anywhere.

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Adding ‘Ferociousness’ to ‘Responsibility’ will defeat your depression.

Paragliding in Bir-Billing.

I woke up this morning a little later than I would have liked to. Felt very tired thinking about the daily routine work that awaited me. But on introspecting a bit deeper I also realised that creating a clean living space was MY LIFE! To see my two dogs well looked after, fed, brushed, towel bathed was MY LIFE! And giving in to my tiredness would actually mean saying NO to LIFE. And saying NO to life means would amount to ‘Atmahana’ – literally killing your ‘Atman’, (your being)

You might have probably heard many times, “Take responsibility for yourself. Take responsibity for your dreams. For your life”. That is correct. Nothing wrong with it. But there is another quality that you can bring into your responsibility. And that is ferociousness. When you bring in ferociousness to your responsibility and say YES to whatever YOU consider as your LIFE (without cherishing enmity with whoever you are upset with) you will go beyond your tiredness and your depression. Cherishing enmity with your enemy, by the way is the most stupid thing you can do which will harm you and you will suffer and feel crappy if you cultivate it as a habit! Yesterday I was not too happy with someone very close to me and we had a very bitter argument. But had I chersihed ‘enemity’ with them I would have really felt lousy and doing any work would have felt very tiring and heavy and even if I did it I would have felt like a victim or taken advantage of. Instead I refused to cherish enemity with them and simultaneously say YES to what I considered as MY LIFE (creating and enjoying a clean space) with a sense of ‘ferocious responsibility’. As a result by sunset I managed to do all of my work and my house was sparkling clean and my dogs well cared for and happy. I could even manage to find the time and energy to light the evening lamps during ‘Sandhya’ (Hindu ritual performed during twilight hours) and express my gratitude to the divine for being able to actually say YES to LIFE. And even write this blog post as my unique way of enriching the world by sharing the best strategies, that I know of, for living life effectively. How do I feel? I feel a sense of accomplishment, pride and satisfaction. I did not feel like a victim at all.

So if you are going through a rough patch it would be useful to ask yourself, “Am I saying NO to something which I myself consider as MY LIFE?” and carefully anwser it. And if you are, you are literally taking in slow poison. In Sanskrit it is known as “Atmahana”. ‘Dharma’ means saying YES to LIFE. Because when you empower it, it empowers you back. That’s Dharma. Saying NO to LIFE is ‘Atmahana’. Giving into your tiredness even before you start is saying NO to LIFE and a form of slow poison. So just muster up a little courage and say YES to whatever it is that you YOURSELF consider to be YOUR LIFE. And do it without cherishing enmity with ANYONE (including your enemy) and with a sense of ‘ferocious responsibility’. You might be pleasantly surprised by how wonderful you feel by the time the sun sets!